


Thinking of You

by PettiSmith



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Developing Relationship, Dream Sex, F/F, Falling In Love, Fanart, Fix-It of Sorts, Illustrations, Korrasami is Canon, Love Letters, Mild Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Processing, Recovery, Someone needs to get the narrator to fill Korra and Asami in about how completely in love they are, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:53:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PettiSmith/pseuds/PettiSmith
Summary: A collection of (never-sent) letters written by Korra, during her 2 year recovery at home, as she works through her growing love for Asami.Or...If Korra Alone (S04E02) were a feature length film with a lot more Korrasami development, extra angst and a little spice (for good measure, of course).(Originally titled Dear Asami: Letters from the South)
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 44
Kudos: 130





	1. DAY 21

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally titled "Dear Asami: Letters from the South" but I just felt like something was off. Went ahead and renamed it based on the last letter in the series and now I'm feeling much better. (Hi, I'm a libra and cannot make up my mind on *anything*)

Guess I’m having a hard time starting this letter. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll even finish this one. I’ve made a game out of throwing all of my crumpled up, half-written letters into the waste basket by my door. Pretty exciting life I’m living down here, huh? The basket is overflowing now. Maybe that means I’m not supposed to throw this one away…

Here goes.

I’ve had my pen pressed to the paper for so long that an ink blot soaked all the way through to my desk. You’d probably know exactly how to get the stain out, wouldn’t you? You always know how to fix everything. You even tried to fix me… but I think I need to fix myself. I’m trying, I really am.

Have you ever seen the southern lights? Streaks of electric green cut through a midnight sky and swirl through the stars like magic. They mark a spiritual presence. I mean, I know there’s a scientific reason for it too. Charged particles interacting with the other stuff in the atmosphere, whatever, whatever. (I imagine you’re smirking at my horrible explanation. I’m sure you know the real reason for their occurrence. Tell me sometime, okay?) I go out on my balcony when I can’t sleep, which is most nights, and I just fall into the mystery of it. No matter how many times I’ve seen them, they always surprise me. I’ve been thinking… Your eyes are the only green I’ve seen anywhere is the world that matches the auroras. ~~And I’m just as captivated by them…if not more.~~

~~How are you even in the night sky, Asami? How?~~

So, tomorrow I start my recovery with Katara. I know. I’ve put it off too long. I’ve already been here for 3 weeks. It’s not that I didn’t want to see her… It’s really that I didn’t want _her_ to see _me_. That probably sounds ridiculous. She, of all people, won’t judge me. She’s known me longer than I’ve been alive! Weird. ~~But still. I’m scared.~~

I hope my progress with her is quick and I don’t have to stay down here long. I’m really looking forward to seeing you ~~if I get better~~ when I am better.

But thank you for writing to me in the way that you do, while I try to get there. Everyone has been so kind and patient with me in their letters so far. But there is something about the way you write that feels…different. It’s like you’re talking with me, not at me. I can almost hear your voice behind each perfect loop of your script. ~~Of course, even your handwriting is beautiful.~~ It feels good to see the Sato wax seal, open your fancy stationary, and hold a piece of home in my hands. Well, I know I am technically “home” now. But maybe you know what I mean? Fuck. I hope you do because that would make one of us.

I feel like I am saying too much and also nothing at all. I can’t send this. I haven’t found the right words yet.

I’ll try again soon.


	2. DAY 100

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra finds her happy thought at the 3 month mark. Hint: It's Asami.

Well…100 days have come and gone and what do I have to show for it?

My body is still broken, and my mind is worse.

But I haven’t given up.

And I swear I’ve tried to write you back every day. You should see all of the ink stains on my desk now! My mom would probably be upset if she wasn’t so…scared of me. Actually, I guess she’s scared _for_ me? Worried. And I hate that. I feel sick thinking about the pain I’ve caused everyone. I wish I could just flick a switch and feel better. And make everyone else feel better

But sometimes it seems like quicksand—the harder I try to get out, the further I sink.

My dad told me I should make a list of my “happy thoughts” so that when I feel like I’m sinking I can read the list or just hold it real tight in my fist (that seems more likely, let’s be honest). So, I started a list when I woke up today, but I ended up crawling back under the covers again instead of finishing it. I…kind of sleep a lot during the day and not a lot at night. Everything is pretty twisted up right now.

Anyway, this is the first, and only thing, on my list so far:

_Spending hours in Republic City Park with Asami._

Those were the best days. At least, I thought so. We’d just ditch everyone, grab a blanket, and go hide out under a shady tree. Watch the baby turtle-ducks swim. Sometimes we’d bring drinks or something to eat. Or maybe even set up a game of pai sho. You always won, of course.

Other times, we’d just sit and talk. Or sit and not talk.

I’d lean back against a tree trunk, you’d rest your head in my lap, and we’d stay like that until the sky turned pink with the sinking sun.

The first time you asked if it would be okay to lay on my lap, I nodded so hard that my head hit the tree and made the loudest, most embarrassing, noise. I think you laughed for a minute straight. You really have the best laugh…even when it comes at my expense.

By the time you had settled into place, I thought I would have figured out what to do with my hands, but I definitely hadn’t. As if you could read my mind, you breathed out, “Play with my hair?”

It took all of my self-control to not wildly nod my head into the tree again.

But I finally managed to mutter some sort of acknowledgement before letting my fingers toy around your thick waves.

You know, you had these dead giveaways for the areas that you liked best… When I’d circle over your ear, just grazing it slightly, you’d suck your full bottom lip into your mouth. And when I’d trace around the nape of your neck, just at the base of your hairline, your eyelashes would flutter just a bit. Sometimes you would even hum quietly if I trailed my fingers further down your neck.

 ~~It felt good to make you feel good.~~

Do you remember that time you asked me what my dream date was? I was so caught off guard that I stopped running my fingers through your hair and just held my breath for a minute.

I finally answered, “Probably something like this.”

And we were quiet again.

You reached up and found my idle hand, lacing your fingers through mine, and just said “Me too.”

Do you still go to our park, Asami?

I bet a lot has changed since I’ve been gone.

I’m sorry that I won’t be sending you this letter…Now that I’ve finally written down my happy thought, I want to keep it.

You probably would laugh at it anyway! Which might not be so bad. I really do miss making you laugh.


	3. DAY 205

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra makes progress and a list of desires at just over 6 months into her time away.

I feel a little better today. Your letters keep asking me how I’m feeling so, I thought you should know, today has been a good day. Bout time, huh? It’s been over 6 months; can you believe that? But Katara and I finally made some real progress! I was a total monster to her at the beginning of our physical therapy session this morning… I’m embarrassed to admit that. But she didn’t give up on me, and we made a real breakthrough! Guess the poison didn’t take everything from me…

I think you would have been proud and, honestly, that is big part of what made each of my steps forward possible. I thought about you, standing beside Naga, cheering me on through that look you give me sometimes. You know the one? It’s sweet and deep and…Huh. I’m not sure what else to say about that because it’s more of a feeling thing. I’m not always the best with words.

Anyway, it’s nice to have good news. You’re my favorite person to share good news with. I think…you’re just my favorite person to share anything with. Obviously! You’re my best friend. That’s how it should be, right? ~~But I’ve never felt this way about anyone~~

I hope you know how much you mean to me, even though I haven’t been able to write you back yet. I really do think about you all the time! Your letters are lovely, but I still wonder what else you’re up to that you haven’t included in the broad details. What did you have for lunch today? How about yesterday? Are you wearing your hair in a different way? Maybe you’ve changed the shade of your lipstick? I know that you haven’t changed perfumes. That’s a funny thing to know, isn’t it? It’s just…I always know when I’ve received correspondence from you, before I even read the envelope, because of the scent. I’m not sure how you manage to include your signature mixture of jasmine and lemongrass into each sealed letter, but I truly do appreciate it. Do you do it on purpose? Kind of feels like you’re here with me. I wish you were.

I know you offered to stay with me down here, while I work through my recovery, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of taking you away from your world, your friends, your business. It didn’t seem fair. Still, sometimes I imagine you showing up, unannounced, and us spending a weekend together. Or longer? I think Naga would really like it too. And my parents! They ask about you often, but I am sure they instantly regret it because I can never stop talking about you once I start!

I actually just told them about the time you took me for a spin around your racetrack in your supped-up Sato-mobile. Remember that? I was really surprised by you that day and I felt like a fool for not giving you enough credit right off the bat. I just didn’t know how to wrap my head around all that you are: Funny, smart, beautiful, adventurous… It didn’t seem possible that one person could be all of those amazing things! I thought I was jealous of you but, really, I think I was just jealous of Mako! That seems silly, doesn’t it? He got to be close with you, spend time alone with you. Best friend stuff! There was something about that day that shifted something in me, in a good way. I felt connected to a part of myself that I didn’t know existed…although I still can’t put a name to it.

Yeah. It’s not really appropriate for me to wish you would surprise me with a visit, is it? Not after I refused your offer… And how would you even know that I want you to? I’ve always struggled to speak honestly about what I really want. Katara says I am carrying guilt in my bones—a different kind of poison. Just another thing I need to fix.

What if I just told you here? What I want, I mean. I’m sure this will just end up sealed and tucked under my mattress anyway…

I want to tell you how sorry I am for…everything. For disappearing. For holding onto your letters like a life-raft but neglecting to write back.

I want to go home to you. Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.

I want to cook a big dinner for you, all of your favorites and some of mine.

I want to stay up late listening to the radio with you on your big couch. But…I want you to sit close to me, no matter how big the couch is. You work so hard. I love watching you relax. I could help you? Rub your shoulders, run my fingers through your hair like you used to ask me to, all while the music plays in the background.

I want to be there for you like you have been there for me.

I want you to know that you are special to me in a way I am still learning to understand.

Don’t tell Bolin and Mako this, but I don’t want those same things with them. I know they are my best friends too! It’s just different with you. I haven’t even tried to write them letters yet…I love them so much but it’s a lighter kind of love that feels like a smile in my heart. The love I feel for you is under my skin, in my ribs, a heat that forms at the back of head and travels down my spine. It’s a tightening in my chest that feels achy and phenomenal all at once.

~~Sometimes it hurts in the best possible way to think of you.~~

I am not making any sense tonight! Another letter to add to my secret stash.

I promise, I will actually send one soon.


	4. DAY 300

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra has been in the south for almost 10 months...but she still just wants to wrestle with Asami. Or something like that.

There is a scary part of me that wants to give up. I feel so tired all the time. I feel like a letdown, a failure. It would be easier to not be the Avatar, to give that power to someone who deserves it.

But even though that scary part of me exists, like a needling in my brain, it’s getting less loud, every day. I think that has been the hardest part of this whole thing, learning to control that needling.

Katara and I have been talking a lot about self-worth and where its derived from. My self-worth came from what I thought I could offer others. Avatar Korra was worthy. I’m trying to love the Korra part of myself now. Phew. It’s hard.

I know this is an uphill battle… I’m just hoping I like the view from the top. 

Anyway. Tenzin visited me today. It was good to see him. Maybe you can come with him next time? I’d really like that.

But you might be too busy. It sounds like you’ve been really holding everything together up there. No surprise. How do you do it all? It seems like you’ve really balanced the elements better than me. Hah. You would have made a great Avatar.

I really hope you don’t feel like I left everything on your shoulders when I came down here to…recover. You don’t always have to be everything to everyone, ya know? You’re so strong through. Stronger than me, in all the ways there are.

Hey! That reminds me. I started sparring again recently. Just light stuff with a practice dummy for the most part but sometimes I get back into the ring with actual opponents. It’s nice to stretch my muscles, or whatever’s left of ‘em! 

It didn’t go so great today though. I got a little too excited to show Tenzin my progress, I guess. There’s something about bending that triggers a fear response in my brain so unexpectedly. I’ll be doing great, winning even, and then, just like that, the rug is pulled out from under me. Zaheer’s face exists on the back of my eyelids or something. I see him everywhere. Do you think that will ever stop? What if it doesn’t? What kind of Avatar can I be if I can’t even win a fucking sparring match, let alone bring harmony to the world? Sorry. Like I said, I’m still working on controlling those interrupting thoughts! That’s what Katara calls them.

I wish I could just train with you instead of all of this. Can I tell you something? I don’t know why I’m asking you as if you can actually answer… That’s dumb. Okay, well, you make the cutest faces when you’re holding the strike pads for me. ~~You’re~~ It’s pretty distracting! I’m not sure why exactly. I try to stay focused but the way your eyebrows rise and fall with each hit, how serious your face is before it shifts into a smile… It’s my favorite part of training. I miss ~~you~~ that a lot.

Do you…miss doing that stuff together? What I really mean is, do you…miss me? Ugh. I can’t decide what’s worse: having you miss me or having you forget about me. If you’re missing me, that means you’re hurting. If you’ve forgotten me, that’ll hurt me.

I’d rather be the one to hurt. I’m already broken anyway. 

Why can’t I just have a day where my mind cuts me some slack? It’s like there is this evil spirit that whispers the worst things in my ear just when I’m starting to feel joy. Sometimes, I think I can see the spirit. And she looks exactly like…me.

It’s dinner time now. Suddenly, I’m not hungry. Again.

Well, another letter that I’ll be holding on to. I’ll try again soon.


	5. DAY 365

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra "celebrates" 1 year of recovery.

I went ice fishing with my dad today to “celebrate” being 1 year into my recovery. I’m not sure being down here for a whole year is something to celebrate but my family is certainly treating it as a milestone. I won’t take that from them.

The cool thing is, this was my first time spending a whole day out on the ice without my wheelchair. I actually got to bend myself some blades and skate around for a minute. More milestones! Hah. Um…Thank you for making that wheelchair for me, by the way. Everything is so foggy from that time period… I can’t remember if I thanked you properly for designing it for me.

~~I really don’t know what I would do without you. I hope I never have to find out.~~

Anyway, you should have seen all of the giant caribou-cod we caught today! It was almost funny how successful we were. My dad would hook one and, before he could even reel it all the way in, I’d have one on the line too! We ended up bringing enough back to the village for all of our neighbors. I think everyone is roasting their fresh fillets for dinner tonight. I wish you could smell how amazing the aroma is. It’s actually making my mouth water. I haven’t been very hungry during my time down here. Katara said I’ve been feeding my mind with worries and forgetting to feed my gut. But today…I’m starving. I think that’s good, huh?

My cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much all day. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that good kind of soreness.

“Delightfully exhausted.”

That’s what you called it that day you tried to teach me how to drive. We had been laughing so hard through the whole disaster that the muscles in my stomach felt like I’d been training for hours. I remember telling you that, at the time, and you automatically reached out and placed your hand just over my bellybutton and asked me to laugh again…so you could feel the tension in my abdomen, I guess? I’m still not sure because my brain felt like it was being fire bended out of my skull. All I know is that you let your hand linger there, with a tinge of pink in your cheeks and a smile still stretched across your face, like it was the most natural thing. And maybe it was for you. ~~For me, it felt special…Intimate or something.~~

Is that just how you are with all of your ~~girlfriends~~ friends who are girls? I wonder sometimes, ya know? Do you treat me differently than you do everyone else? You’re so compassionate and thoughtful and I know you extend kindness and love to everyone, but there’s something about the way your eyes flash when they connect with mine. It feels charged or electric or something, like sparks from your glove. I haven’t seen your eyes light up that way when you’re with other folks. Not that I’m paying super close attention or anything. I’m really not. Seriously.

So! I’m starting to think I may be ready to travel back to Republic City soon. Today felt like a turning point for me and I hope I can hold on to it. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. There are good days and bad days and I need to make sure I’m ready to handle them both by the time I leave here. I don’t want to burden everyone in Republic City with my struggles, that’s all.

Will you be around at the end of this month? I’m sure you are so busy! You always are. But somehow, you’re never _too_ busy. You always make time for me.

I’ve been down here for over 365 days and you’re still writing me letters every week. You’re amazing. You know that, right? I wish I had told you more.

I can’t stop thinking about how you stayed by my side on Air Temple Island when everything was still so…raw. Before I decided I needed to return to the Southern Water Tribe for my recovery to really stick. It’s like you could read my mind. I really have a hard time asking for help…but you didn’t make me ask. You always knew what I needed, somehow. The nights that you would stay in my bed with me where the only nights I slept soundly. You would ask if you could stay for a sleepover, as if it were for your benefit and not for mine. That was nice of you to pretend. But…it wasn’t all pretend, was it? When you would ease up behind me and wrap your arm around my waist, I could feel your breath quicken as it warmed my neck. Were you nervous? You’re never nervous…

I hope you don’t think I’ve taken anything you’ve given me or done for me for granted. I promise, I cherish it all.

You’re too good for me. But, somehow, you haven’t seemed to notice.

And I don’t think I want to be the one to tell you…Another letter for my eyes only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've lost all sense of a plan for posting these! Should be completely uploaded by the weekend though. XD


	6. DAY 425

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost 14 months in, Korra eavesdrops on Katara and a friend and tries to avoid enlightenment through the topic.

I just got home from my spirit water soak. Katara insists that I continue the process every day, even now that I’m doing so much better…physically. I guess I don’t mind. It’s nice to be around Katara. Maybe it’s a lingering trace of Aang’s spirit telling me to seek comfort in her company. Something like that.

Today’s session was strange though. Usually, it’s just me and Katara but this time she had a friend visit during the soak. Her name is Tapeesa and she makes all of the kamiks for our tribe. Well, not all of them. But if you have a good pair of deer-cat skin boots, Tapeesa made them. I think I’ve mentioned her to you before. Not that you need to remember everyone I’ve ever mentioned!

I didn’t mean to listen in to their conversation, but they just weren’t being very quiet and what else am I supposed to do? Anyway, they were talking about Tapeesa’s daughter, Amka. I remember her from when I was a kid, she was older and super close friends with Kya. But she eventually moved to Gaoling…and then I started my Avatar training, so our paths never crossed again.

For whatever reason, I was really drawn to her back then. She had these traditional tattoos that the men in our tribe usually get. I had never seen a woman with them. I mean, I’d seen women with tattoos! But not these particular designs. She wore them beautifully. I used to dip my fingertip into my ink jar and draw those same tattoos on my arms. Oh, my mom would get so mad! Hah! It’s not that she didn’t like the tattoos. She had no problem with Amka’s body art. It’s just that I never waited for the ink to dry and I’d pretty much stain every single thing in my path, running wild through our home. Shocker, right?

The point is, Tapeesa told Katara that she was making something special for Amka (not a pair of kamiks, if that’s what you guessed). She said Amka had requested a custom betrothal necklace so that she may finally propose to her girlfriend.

_Girlfriend._

They meant it in a romantic way, in case I’m not being clear. I’m still trying to digest that news. Katara didn’t seem offended by the discussion. She actually seemed to be fully aware of Amka’s…relationship. Not only was she cool with talking about it, she was actually talking louder than usual, which was weird. Impossible for me to avoid eavesdropping. Seriously, did she want me to listen in or something?

I’m not stupid, I know love is without bounds! I’m only surprised to hear them talk about it so freely, two women in a partnership. I just…I thought maybe that was something people had to keep private.

How do you feel about all of that? Do you think two women can be in love and…marry? Just wondering because we’ve never talked about it! That’s all.

And, if you do think it’s like no big deal or whatever, do you like the idea of both women wearing a betrothal necklace? ~~I think I would like that.~~ I think that would be nice.

You don’t usually wear a lot of jewelry, right? A clip in your hair sometimes… Maybe bracelets on special occasions? ~~I think, maybe, you had a necklace on when we first met at the Gala.~~

What’s your favorite color? You look great in everything, but I think a green necklace, to match your eyes, fitted perfectly around your throat would look…cool.

Not that I’m thinking about you wearing a Water Tribe tradition. Why would I do that?

My mind is just going all over the place because I’m tired.

I should get some rest! And hide this letter away forever. Yep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, thinking about Korra & Asami in the present: they're married, your honor.


	7. DAY 525

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream is a wish the heart makes.

Who am I kidding? I’m definitely not sending this letter to you. But…I don’t know what else to do right now.

I dreamt of you last night. It’s not the first time and I know it won’t be the last. Maybe if I write it all down here, the thoughts can leave my head. They seem to be stuck there like ice.

I’m not sure how to do this. I’ll…start from the beginning? It was only a dream anyway, right?

It’s just us.

The moon is full, and our toes are teasing the tide of a dark ocean as we sit in the cool sand. Every inch of me is tingling under the raw power of the moon at her best. I tell you that—that my skin is lit with frayed nerves and my veins are coursing with untapped energy.

You laugh. That calm, cool laugh of yours, with your eyes shut softly and your head rolled back. The moonlight shines off the stretch of pale skin on your exposed neck and I want to touch you. But I don’t.

Your fingers curl into the sand, and I watch them dig in deeper. And deeper. The shiny red polish on your blunt nails disappears as your fingers dip further beneath the surface.

Suddenly, the sand matches the shade of your nails, as if painted by your fingertips.

We are surrounded by a sea of soft, crimson sand.

You laugh again and I wonder why my tongue doesn’t work.

I try harder to speak but wisps of fire leave my mouth instead of words. I shut my lips quickly, afraid of burning you with the flames. You don’t seem scared. You never seem scared of me. Not even at my worst. Not in life or in dreams.

You furrow your eyebrows for a moment, as if a thought is squeezed between them.

When your brows relax, you lean forward and press your lips to mine. The thought is released between us.

The fire in my mouth travels lower into my gut and I feel…twisted by a sense of calm and an overwhelming unrest.

How do those two things exist at once?

The tide rushes up to our ankles and you pull back from the kiss with delighted surprise. But the loss of your lips against mine is sudden and…painful. The earth shakes beneath me and I worry that I will fall through it, all the way to the core.

But I don’t.

You ask me, “Are you okay?”

I nod and say, “Yes.”

And I am okay, in the dream. It feels so good to be okay. Whole again, even.

You say, “Me too.”

And that feels even better to hear.

We lie back in the red sand and look up at the sky. The moon is so bright that we can’t see the stars, but we don’t mind.

The tide continues to creep higher and higher until we are both soaked under our backs. Without a thought you remove your shirt and skirt. I instinctively mirror your movements, stripping my own wet clothes away.

You run out into the ocean, calling for me to follow you. And I do.

Of course.

The yellow moonlight drips across dark water and stops on your fair skin as I meet you beyond the crashing waves.

You wrap your arms around my neck and tell me you’re glad I didn’t get lost. I’m not sure what you mean but I agree.

Your full chest is pressed up against mine, the thin fabric of our undergarments separates us. But just barely. I can feel your nipples peak against my flesh.

Again, my tongue is hot, and I’m worried about the fire inside of me escaping.

But you press your lips to mine and we stay that way for…minutes, hours, I don’t know but it’s not long enough.

The water spreads away from us, circling our bodies but not touching our skin, and I realize that I have been subconsciously bending it to stay that way.

I hover my hands above your hips, and you twist beneath them. I know exactly what I want but my body won’t respond.

I suddenly fear that I am broken.

As your lips break from mine, you speak my name like a question.

“Korra?”

I hold my breath and wait.

“Korra.” You repeat, this time definitively. “Touch me.”

My throat feels tight as the air pulls from my lungs. For the first time, I am not worried that it might be Zaheer stealing my breath again. It’s not that at all. I feel completely safe.

“I-I want to.” I stutter out, the ocean floor under our feet shakes violently.

You smile and it’s brilliant. As always.

“I want you to.” You place your hands around the back of neck and look at me in a way I haven’t ever seen before. Your pupils, as jet black as your hair, grow wider under our stare.

I don’t know where to start. The need to explore every inch of your body is blinding and I am scared the water is about to crash around us again if I allow my mind to be distracted.

But it doesn’t.

I rake my hands over your smooth skin, moving carefully around your undergarments, my fingertips just tracing the hems. I watch you for confirmation, direction.

Fuck. I guess I’m…nervous to continue writing this down but I am more nervous that the dream will be lost forever if I don’t. The feeling of forgetting a dream is so frustrating, isn’t it?

Okay.

The moon becomes larger than it has ever been. It hangs just above our heads, lighting the way. A spotlight.

My hands are guided by instinct, desire, something primal, something magical.

And then…my fingers are between your thighs, pressing up against your underwear.

I’m hot all over and so sure that my fingers will actually ignite and burn you.

You hum and rest your forehead against mine.

“There.”

Your voice is low, and it makes my ears itch.

I slide the fabric to the side and let my fingers _finally_ touch you, slipping up through your middle slowly. Your anticipation thickly coats my fingers as they work through you. 

We have never touched like this. _There._ It feels new and…right.

I can’t…I can’t describe the rush that flows under my skin. The immediate satisfaction is dizzying.

Your breath hitches as I dip into your center. You’re soft and _so incredibly wet_ as two of my fingers press in deeper, past the first knuckle, all the way to the base. I can feel you stretch tightly around me as I fill you up.

Just as I register the wild throbbing growing between my legs, your hand is there, satisfying my need. Your fingers are matching mine in rhythm and movement. I feel completely synchronized with you; our bodies pressed up tight as if one.

Your fingers are strong, and they continuously thrust so confidently in and out of me. I kiss down hard on your shoulder and a flash of light flickers behind my eyelids.

I’m sure I am nearing the Avatar state.

I wake up as the waves crash around us both.

That’s…it.

I mean. I’ve felt pleasure before. I like sex…the physicality of it has always fulfilled some sort of competitive drive that I can’t seem to shake. But I’ve never known desire like this. I’ve never felt so completely overwhelmed with want and need and…impatience.

Now, here I am, trying to make sense of it. I don’t know what to do with myself. So unsatisfied and so unable to do what I want about it.

I wonder if you ever dream this way, Asami. I wonder if I am actually losing my mind.

I think I am. I think I am really messed up.

I’ll keep this letter somewhere extra safe and…try to forget it exists. It’s for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yue is a sneaky match-maker!


	8. DAY 600

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Korra attempts to respond to Asami's longing.

I got another letter from you today. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I am so glad you’ve decided to keep writing to me. Your tone seems to have changed, not in a bad way. But I can tell you put your pen down a lot, between sentences, I mean. I don’t know how I know that… I just do.

So, you’ve been swimming a lot, huh? That’s great. You’re a really amazing swimmer. I miss our days spent in your pool, just the two of us. You know me, I’m never shy, but it sure took me a long time to finally join you for a swim! I’m glad I finally did. You’re so patient with me.

Seems like you’ve been in the pool almost every day, according to your letter. But I’m trying to make out this one line that’s a little smudged, as if you had almost scratched it out but changed your mind? I think it says, “ _I am reminded of you in every drop of water on my skin. When I dive beneath the surface…_ ” This is where it gets really hard to read. “ _…I imagine I am completely submerged in your liquid touch_.”

What does that mean, Asami? Is that good? It feels… I don’t know. I read that over and over until my lips felt hot and smoke rose from my tongue. Breath of fire is probably not a good use of my abilities while holding a piece of paper! Especially not one that I plan on keeping forever. I keep all of your letters, of course.

Anyway, it’s just that we never talk like _that_. Not really. Just that one time… when you and I were building our sand-sailer to escape Si Wong Desert. Well, you were building it and I was following your expert directions. Typical.

Do you remember what you said to me? We were exhausted and hot and just needed to take a break. You told me that even though you were tired, your soul always felt at rest when we were together. You put your head on my shoulder, our backs up against the sand-sailer, and you said I was your oasis. “ _Your oasis.”_ I didn’t know what to say… The way your voice got quieter around those words, like it was sacred, it made me shiver despite the desert heat.

I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything back. I didn’t know what to do with my mouth. The truth is, I didn’t want to respond with words, but I was also too nervous to respond how I _really_ wanted to.

You do make me nervous sometimes. Funny, right? I’ve never been more comfortable with someone, more trusting of someone, than you. But still… I get so tongue tied around you, which is maybe a good thing. I do talk too much. That’s what Tenzin says. I mean, granted, I’m usually supposed to be mediating when he interrupts my rambling to say that.

Just a random thought, not sure where this came from, but…when you used to kiss Mako, did your lipstick ever…stain his lips? I never noticed it there, so I’m just wondering.

Unrelated, I don’t think I would mind wearing your shade, you know, if you loaned it to me or whatever. It would be like having a piece of you with me. I’d like that.

Asami… I really miss you.

I wish I were ready to send this. Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is crossed out... Maybe Korra is becoming more self-aware?


	9. DAY 715

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only letter Korra manages to send at the end of her 2 years spent back with Southern Water Tribe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the canon letter from Korra Alone, with a few thrown away thoughts. Sadly, the only note Korra sent. I refuse to believe it's the only one she wrote though...Hence, this little character dive. Thank you for reading along!

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you sooner.

 ~~I’m going to keep this really simple so that I actually send it. There were a lot of failed attempts. A lot.~~ But every time I’ve tried, I never know what to say. ~~Or if what I really want to say would scare you away.~~ The past two years have been the hardest of my life. Even though I can get around fine now, I still can’t go into the Avatar state. I keep having visions of Zaheer and what happened that day. ~~In some ways, I’ve felt like a ghost since then, like part of me died.~~ Katara thinks a lot of this is in my head! So, I’ve been meditating a lot. But sometimes I worry I’ll never fully recover. ~~I don’t want to be your burden if I’m broken for good.~~

Please don’t tell Mako and Bolin I wrote to you and not them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. It’s easier to tell you about this stuff. I don’t think they’d understand.

~~I think I’ll talk to my parents tomorrow.~~

~~I think I’m ready to come back to you.~~

~~Thinking of you~~

~~~~


End file.
